Loss · Uncategorized

On Being a Schoff Woman

A Schoff woman knows that she will have to withstand some barbs from her loving, yet not always sensitive man. A Schoff woman will have to hear hunting stories, fishing stories, and stories about getting ready to hunt; time will be spent waiting for your husband to return from hunting, and sure enough there will… Continue reading On Being a Schoff Woman

Loss · Thoughts about Lydia · Uncategorized

When Grief Shows Up

A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about how Lydia not only repeats what we say now, but she also knows how to use the words and when they’ll make sense in a situation … super scary sometimes! In fact, the other day when she wanted some ice cream cake before dinner, I politely told her no, and then she informed me, “Mommy, you impossible!” She’s learned to say a lot of other things too, in fact sometimes I have to say, “What did you just say?” and I prepare myself for the worst, but other times I smile, because I know she got something from me.

This week I was planning to tell you about my cookie making fun with Lydia, but as our subconscious often does, I was given a different issue to think about this morning. I awoke from a dream in which my sister had died in a car accident, however, in the dream, I was continuing to go on with what I had to do, getting ready to workout for the day and knowing that I’d have to go to work soon. In my dream I questioned how I could still go to work when I’d just lost my sister? Then I woke up, and I remembered, I’d already lost my sister, and then I felt horrible. It was easier in the dream, the reality this morning, was simply a rude reminder of the grief I buckle down each day.

Grief can show up in a lot of ways, it can be a song that reminds you of your loved one. Maybe something you, your family and friends picked out specifically for your loved one’s calling hours, and then out of the blue one day, that song is playing on your radio, and you let that grief come to you. You let yourself tear up or ball. Afterward, you do feel better, you took that time to accept your sorrow.

It could be something someone says. Perhaps they are sharing a special memory of the one you lost. Or perhaps they say something inappropriate that you will have to carry in your own heart now, but that will be okay too. You will learn to wrap yourself in their memories as well. You will learn to keep all of the memories and words from others in a special place in your heart and soul..

Lately, if Lydia spills her snack or juice or you know … anything and makes a mess … I might find myself getting rather upset. “Why did you do that Lydia?” And she will calmly reply, “It’s okay Mommy!” She’ll remind me that it isn’t worth crying over spilled milk. That life is full of little ups and downs. I know she gets that one from me.

There are many times in life when we must simply say, “It’s Okay.”

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel that pain and let it eat you up … for a little while. It’s okay to share how you feel with a friend or someone you trust. It’s okay to drown yourself in a memory for a while. Just be stronger when you get back up. Don’t let that feeling stay too long. Wrap it up and put it away. The person you love would want you to remember, but they’d also want you to celebrate the rest of the wonderful day you’ve been given.

Your grief will get lighter, your memories will stay, and you will be okay. What more can we ask for? So for a little while today, I know that dream will make me sad, but I’m not going to let it keep me in a gray puddle. I still showed up for my A.M. workout, despite feeling less than positive, I’m going to get my little girl up in a little while, and hug her extra tight. I’m going to envelope myself in happy thoughts and let my passing tears roll away. I suggest the same to you.

Being stronger than you were yesterday, doesn’t merely apply to weights and miles run. It applies to your heart and mind. Start today strong. It will be okay.


Loss · Uncategorized

On the Art of Losing

When I lost my sister ten years ago, I found a book of poems at a yardsale. I love poetry (English teacher) and reading them aloud. This particular poem is very special to me, because it can also be heard in the movie, In Her Shoes, a wonderful story about sisters based on Jennifer Weiner’s… Continue reading On the Art of Losing